My girls seemed just too crazy to deal with today, so I let the baby sleep in her car seat, and I went out on the grass and just sat still as the girls rode bikes. As I sat, I consciously put down the phone. I looked east, up at the mountains and I just stared at them.
I live by some beautiful mountains. I often wonder what people from other places in the United States think about what it would be like to live here. Today, they were so green and there was a nice topping of snow along the very tallest ridge. They looked so open and inviting. It is the best time of year, where everything is growing and thriving and the sun doesn't feel heavy and old like sunlight in July.
But, it was here that I felt a measure of peace. It was just being outside, breathing and witnessing other things growing that helped me to feel a measure of comfort. Suddenly I was more than just a referee for my kids or a source of food and diapers for the baby. It was moving to let the Spring sun defrost the resentment and frustration I felt for being a mom...(sorry to be so blunt, but today was one of those days in which I wondered why the heck I was doing any of this).
Looking back, as I have traveled the extremely rough road of being a mom, I have found the most peace while being outside. Whether I am trying to stay active and sane while being pregnant and walking, or I'm pushing myself to do something hard and I'm running or biking in the morning, or just when I've had to fight to get some self-care time, being outside is usually my backdrop of choice. It feels so real. It breaks up the gross monotony of life with kids. And, today it is what gave me the strength to jump back in and finish the day. God truly must know me because without these strong mountains that line the east side of the valley, I think I would feel exceptionally weak.
Eastern View
By Kate Cowan
Verdant, thick and wide,
May mountains rise above us,
softening my sight.
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