Published!!!

It is really hard being a writer. Rejection is something you have to adjust to like a hot shower... before long, you just don't feel the burn anymore. However, when things work out in your favor, you must always celebrate.

One of my poems was recently chosen to be published in the Literary Magazine, Weber Studies. This is a poem I wrote for a professor who recently passed away from cancer.

In my experience, poems rarely come finished. Usually you have to sort through the garbage you write that needs to be weeded out. This poem felt different from the start and it was an answer to a prayer.
Hope you like it!

Occupation-to Ken Brewer

After diagnosis,
he turned over his half-written
notebook and began to work
until the last swallow of life was left.

Writing wouldn’t be rationed.

When we are told
how many
breaths are left,
and approximately how
long it takes cancer to eat
at the liver, lungs or breast,
our nature may move us into
our final occupation.
These are the jobs we’ve possibly lived
or lost
or neglected.

We become the philosophers,
complainers,
and lovers—
caught cursing
or crying
the day
the heavy hand
of God is set
on our shoulders,
and we are painfully asked
to leave.

My passion for Peeps-an insight into an obsession

Those who know me on a personal level are aware of my love for Peeps. But, when I peruse the Peeps website or get excited about a new color of Peep, or bring Peeps to share at a party, many cringe and look at me as if I have lost my mind(or at least my sense of taste). This post is a simple explanation of how I can feel such love for a sugared, three dimensional, marshmallow treat.

In classic Psycho-analytic form, I blame my father for this obsession. For as long as I can remember, my Dad has been obsessed with eating marshmallows. He taught me to place your classic "campfire marshmallows" in a pie tin in the oven at broil, and flip them over as they brown. And... there you have it, INSTANT GOO. I inherited my Dad's sugar fetish and have proudly developed into a "Peep freak" just like him.

As kids, Peeps were an Easter staple: Hot Cross Buns, Honey Baked Ham, warm potatoes, fresh rolls, and Peeps. Everyone knows there are two ways to eat Peeps. My dad is a die-hard chewy peep fan. He still rips off the plastic and leaves them out for weeks, months and on one occasion, a year (when my mom learned of that instance, she made sure that would never happen again). I myself, enjoy them soft. But, contrary to popular myth, Peeps do not roast well. It is true that watching a Peep explode in the microwave provides endless entertainment, but eating the Peep afterwards proves to be a negative experience.

This Peep fetish runs in my family. My grandma gave all the grandkids packages of Peeps at Easter. My uncles love Peeps. Even my Aunt had a "Peep incident" at her work when a fellow employee put a Peep on a shelf near the ceiling, let it sit for almost 4 years and then ate it. (note: this blog does not condone any such behavior with a Peep).!


As I got older, Peeps changed with the changing times. The stiff bunny and pompous looking chick evolved into the Vanilla and Strawberry Creme hearts at Valentines. Soon we had orange pumpkins, white ghosts, black spiders and bats, and Frankenstein heads at Halloween. Then, Christmas trees and gingerbread men Peeps appeared. I was elated a few years ago to see an actual Peep inside a chocolate egg and a "decorating kit" for white egg Peeps. Though these four holidays are the only holidays with Peeps, it has been rumored New Years Peeps exist. I will believe it when I see it!


I have also allowed Peeps to affect my personal goals and traditions. A few years ago, I was dyeing eggs with my friends at Easter and I started getting goofy, taking fun pictures of Peeps. This soon became a tradition. Last year, I decided to attempt to make my own Peeps. This proved to be an AWESOME experience. However, it is true in this case, store bought Peeps taste much better than homemade.





This year, for Lent, I decided to sacrifice sugar. It has been an intense escapade, but in a matter of days, I will be able to eat a sugared Peep, guilt free! (Note: Sugar-free Peeps do exist and though they taste the same, the strange thickness of the marshmallow and warnings on the package of a "laxative effect" should be enough to encourage only the consumption of real Peeps).


So, in honor of Easter and its many traditions (i.e. plastic eggs full of Robin Eggs, Hollow chocolate bunnies, and Charlton Heston) I honor the Peep. It is truly a modern day marvel!

A poem to pass the time...

Tane Mahuta*

The Maoris told us you
lifted our parents apart,
an eternal divorce
for our own good,
so we might bloom
in their shadows.

By this act,
we’ve learned to separate,
to walk away,
and somewhere
between their color
and heat,
we move

across our mother
and under the blue
back of our father,
unable to recognize
their faces.


Within the Waipoua Forest,
you’ve dressed in age
and kept your limbs
pressed into the belly of our father,
pleading for us,
while we believe
we are the source of light.



* the son of Mother Earth and Father Sky in Maori legend. It is also the name of an ancient Kauri tree in New Zealand, between 1250 and 2500 years old.

My Views On Love

“Righteous love comes so naturally and so beautifully
that it is apparent that there is a
special providence about it.”—Boyd K. Packer


This post has been rattling around in the recesses of my brain for sometime, but I have had a hard time trying to organize these thoughts. However, in honor of Valentine's Day, I believe it is time to step up and deliver. I need to get down in words many of the "theories" I've adopted. This post will give a bit of my own background in love and what I believe.

Let me start out with the fact that I am single. I am in my twenties and have never been married or engaged. So, I am not an expert in love. However, I have learned a lot about myself in the last two years worth of realtionships. My disclaimer is that these opinions are just opinions.

My early experiences with love were just the typical crush. The earliest crushes of my life consisted of a constant flow of thoughts and excitment towards one boy, either in my class, neighborhood, or somtimes my older brother's best friend. I can't even begin to name all of my crushes. Many of them were fleeting, but intense... only on my part of course. In fact, I remember going through a phase where I firmly believed you impress the person you like by trying to insult them. I guess it was the notion of trying to be "one of the guys" earned you respect. But, then you get treated like one of the guys. Yes, this was a terrible idea and it never quite yielded the results I wanted.

But, the older I got, the more I learned. Usually I liked one my of my guy friends and nothing came of it except me being their "best friend." The guy would come to me and talk about the girl they really liked. I gave great advice because I wanted them to be happy. Then, I hurt. This phase of my life has been steady for years.

Eventually I hit a phase in my life where the guys I fell for, began to like me back. It was an impressive thing to have your feelings returned. Through college, I dated and continued to learn about myself. Somewhere in 2003, I sat with a friend of mine and sorted out my own theories on love. I broke down my views on love into three charateristics every woman wants in a man. Let me explain....

It is easiest to see as a triangle. I call it the "Love Triangle" and it consists of three factors; the Darth Vader Factor, the Geek Factor, and the Intrigue Factor.

The Darth Vader Factor can best be described by the following: Women want a man who could be bad, but isn't. This means, we don't want a guy who is evil, but someone who may have had a darker side at one time, (or could have had a darker side) and has chosen to be good. He is the guy who has chosen goodness over rebellion. Now, it could be debated Darth Vader was a REALLY evil guy for sometime, but he also saved his son in the end, and he was never all bad like everyone believed. The key to this factor is knowing where someone's heart is.

The Geek Factor can really be described as the small things the guy will do that gives him weakness. If he waves to you when he sees you and then trips, it is cute. Most guys don't understand this, but women don't want a guy who is perfect. We want to feel equal and it is good to see a guy's flaws.





The Intrigue Factor is hard to describe. But, it is the factor that is different for everyone. Every guy has talents, and shines in their own unique way. Sometimes an accent will be intriguing, or his ability to speak another language or make really good ommlettes. This factor involves personal aptitude. Sometimes just the way he looks at you can make you WANT TO KNOW HIM.

Triangles can be skewed since almost no guys are a "perfect triangle." But, I have also noticed one thing about the triangle theory... Women tend to be attracted to the factor they are lacking. For example, if a girl has been a "goody two shoes" all her life, she may be more attracted to the Darth Vader types. I guess you can say, "opposites attract." But, remember to give all factors a place. Too much of any one thing can be bad.

So, that is the break down I came up with several years ago. It makes sense for the most part. I still believe in the Love Triangle, but in many ways, I have grown up a lot. I now see guys as hopefully they see me... fellow human beings, with facets and flaws, despartely trying to make the best of an uncertain future. Really, the key is to keep moving. There will always be exceptions to every rule and once you decide something, you will have to eat your words. Even theories only go so far. Relationships allow us to learn about ourself.

For instance, I somehow survived a phase of my life that was nothing but blind dates (It can be REALLY terrible to have parents who met on a blind date). Most of the time, they were bad. REALLY BAD. But, the best blind date I ever went on turned into a 4 month realtionship that taught me a lot about myself. I don't regret my experiences. Somtimes, I regret my ridiculous behavior when I have been in "love." But, I am grateful for all of it.

When it comes down to it, I believe in love. I believe love is natural. I believe when you start wanting to spend a lot of time with someone, ask yourself why. I believe in COMPLETE honesty. AND I MEAN THAT!!! Yes, there is something to be said for timing... but without communication and honesty, you two can never be on the same page. And, being on the same page with someone is literally joy. I believe in finding someone who brings out your best self and your most genuine side. I believe in loving every bit of someone... all their facets and flaws. I believe in moving on and I believe in second chances. I believe in choices.

One day, I was talking to my grandmother about love. I saw how she and my grandpa lived a devoted, loving life together. In my religion, when two people are married, they are married for eternity. The idea always scared me so badly. I didn't know how you could KNOW. I believe God will help us know, but how can that decision ever be made? How can you REALLY KNOW? Then it hit me... you won't. Not at first anyway. You will hopefully find someone as dedicated to you as much as you are to them... and you move on from there. You will spend the rest of eternity spending your life with someone, growing and loving them more and more. You don't start out at level 10, but work the rest of your life to get there. In the end, you examine all options and you choose. Then, you move forward without fear.


I believe the scripture that says Love conquers all fear. I don't think anything could be any more true. Love is having faith in somone. I have taken risks. I have moved forward. And others have taken risks on me and have given freely. Someone has had faith in me and to me, that is love. I have chosen love.

my love affair with Coldplay

Many people in my life have wondered at my intense love of the band Coldplay. Many see them as U2 wannabe's and hear their music as nothing special. They have the classic watered-rock British sound, with tenor lead singer etc. However, I wish to take my lunch break and defend the top reasons why Coldplay is my favorite band.

Reason #1: I am drawn to the British bands

This might sound like a lame excuse, but it is the honest truth. I have traced back my musical tastes and other than a strange attraction to Ace of Base for a time, I have always leaned towards the Brits. It began with the Beatles and their consistent presence in my earliest years. Then enter The Rolling Stones, The Hollies, The Turtles, The Guess Who, Oasis, etc. Recently I have embraced bands such as Keane, (sort of British),Badly Drawn Boy, Travis, and Muse. But, Coldplay has been the only band to rival the Beatles in my dedication.

Reason #2: Their lyrics are honest

Once again, many have complained to me about the negativity of Coldplay's lyrics. It is true, some of their earlier songs can be a bit of a downer (i.e. Such a Rush, Only Superstition, etc) But I don't see negativity in their lyrics as much as honesty. I hear songs like Amsterdam, and Don't Panic, Help is Round the Corner, and See You Soon and can't ignore what I like to call the "Dark Chocolate Factor, or the bittersweet factor. The song may seem sad, but there is a smooth, sweet message that overpowers sadness in the end.

Reason #3: I love Chris Martin's voice

I am a singer and therefore, I realize a lot of lead singers out there, suck. It seems very rare these days to hear a talented lead singer. But, ever since I first heard Chris Martin's voice, I was impressed with his control and the natural seamless quality of his voice. It is strong and yet, never garish. My dream is to hear him live and compare; (since many singers have the advantage of technology to assist them in matters of tone in the studio) but, I have the 2003 live album and concert and I have seen live performances and I believe he is talented and as good as he sounds.

Reason #4 These band members are talented

Like his voice, I have always been impressed with Chris Martin's talent as a song writer and piano player. I also understand the drummer,Will Champion is a very talented guitar player who picked up the drums and adapted to be in the band. I have a high respect for instrumentalists who can play more than one instrument and be true musicians.

And Reason #5!!!

Coldplay is a comfort band for me;">There is a story behind this one... In Spring of 2003, a friend of mine played me Coldplay's big single, Yellow. I liked it, but I was not, in any way in love. However, it was enough to leave an impression on me. July of 2003 I was preparing to move to New Zealand to go to a study abroad. In search of some new music and on a whim (these were the days before I was an itunes junkie), I picked up their recent album, A Rush of Blood to the Head. It had stickers all over it from the awards they won at the Grammy's. I took it home and popped it in. I wasn't sure how I felt till I heard The Scientist. I immediately fell in love. Then, I got sick with a terrible cold. One week before I was to fly out, I was in bed, listening to Green Eyes and feeling comforted as I dreaded the large trip I was taking.

In New Zealand, my life changed. I was on my own for the first time, and I was on the other side of the world. I listened to the Rush of Blood album a lot. It helped me feel better when I was homesick. Then, curious, I picked up Parachutes while in New Zealand. Immediately, I fell in love with that album. I was hooked.

So, the top reason why I love Coldplay leads back to how they make me feel. I associate them with some of the scariest and best times of my life. And, when things are REALLY bad, I listen to them and I feel much stronger. Many of their songs have conveyed my exact feelings at various times of my life. Let's just hope they come around someday and I get the chance to listen to them live as one in the happy masses.

The Entertainer

ok, let's see if we can pull off a full-blown blog in a lunch hour!!! HAHAHA!!!

No, seriously... I wanted to take a quick moment and write about the history of playing the piano in my life. It has turned out to be something I have truly loved and lost and now, I come back to it with open arms.

Eight years old, I sat on a little stool at our gnarled 100 year old upright piano. When I was six, I had memories of my brother sitting at its keys and playing The Entertainer over and over again. Taking piano lessons would be my moment in the sun. So, I started to learn, and ultimately grew bored with playing silly two note songs over and over again. It wasn't that I was ahead of my time, but rather irresponsible. I wouldn't practice. Instead, I would sit at the keyboard and press 5-8 notes at a time with my hands in the upper and lower half of the keyboard. I simulated the "music" of storms and was drawn to the sound of the second to the highest octave. I experimented and sounded like some Modern Charles Ives, paying no attention to rules. I never bothered to learn any rules.

As you can imagine, this didn't last long. Maybe one year at the most and then add at least another 6-8 years of hearing, "you should have stayed with the piano and practiced... imagine how good you'd be by now." But, about the age of 18, I was forced to slice up those words and eat them with my pride.

I realized my junior year, I loved to sing. I wasn't the best singer, but I had talent. Enough talent to work hard and keep up with all the sopranos who had been in singing lessons since they were 7. Music and singing became my life. But I couldn't read a note. In an attempt to create musical improvement (and keep my vocal scholarship at WSU), I put myself through the largest crash course of all time: college music classes.

I started at the very beginning with a fast paced fundamentals class and pulled myself through a year of Keyboarding, Music Theory, Ear training and Sight Singing. Along with this, I broke away from the melody and comfort zone of the soprano line and began singing parts in the two choirs I was in. I struggled more than I even remember, but happily, this earned me a music minor (which I believe took more time than my 2 year English/creative writing degree). I didn't need a minor, but I did it for me.

"Is this some moralistic story in which Katie is trying to preach to us," you ask? No. I really just wanted to say that I am glad I did it, because now I can play the piano for myself. I am still very bad at the piano. I never learned to practice. But, I can bleed and fall through a song and eventually learn to play it well. And, I am the one who benefits most.

Now, when I play the piano, my mind zones out and takes off. I re-run ideas, and recent conversations and function in a beautiful peaceful state. It is how I feel when I go running. I do something taking concentration and it allows my mind peace.

Recently I have returned to the piano. I had taken an extended break after a bad recital last May. Last night was the first time I picked up my music and really played. It felt liberating and lovely and I am ashamed, after all I have learned, I let fear and embarrassment get the better of me. Here's to Chopin in 2008!!!

The Year of Joy

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy." -2nd Nephi 2:25


I have never been very fond of New Years. While other people find it an amazing time to make resolutions and jump into diets, I see it as the stagnant middle. The dead center of January, winter full blown, and a time when sunlight is lacking. It was always such a let down to drag myself away from the beauty of Christmas and welcome another month without the joy of the holidays. I never liked it. But, one thing I do love, is the simple act of writing the month. I love reaching the end of 12 and writing 1 again. This simple act reminds me everything has a beginning. I live my life week to week, but every once in a while, it is a marvelous thing to step back and see the large year, in circles, fold back to its beginning.

One way I embrace change each January, is to set a "theme" for the year. Now, do not confuse this with a resolution. My theme is an idea to keep in the back of my mind from month to month. Maybe I will write a simple list of things to look forward to in the year... but regardless, the theme provides focus and direction.

Last year was the "Year of Kate." Maybe this sounds a bit too broad. In January, of last year I was getting ancy about my age. The birthday I had approaching in June was not one I was looking forward to. So, I felt like it was time to make the year, MY year. I didn't know how, but I was going to do something to make 2007 stand out from the rest. My 2006 was a hard one, so, in the year of Kate, I was going to take as many risks as possible. This would be my year.

How did it turn out you might ask? Well, it was one of the most difficult and wonderful years of my life. I will discuss this further in another blog... but I would like to address this year's theme.

2008 is the Year of Joy.

Watching my life change and the lives of those I love change, I realized negativity (especially in myself) has become a terrible disease. It has just become easier to see life through Woody Allen glasses. It was easier to frown and expect sadness to come. Anyone who knows me, knows I am a happy person by nature. It was nothing I learned. Happiness has always come naturally, but it is possible to lose that if you look down long enough. So, I decided this year would be the year of joy.

The purpose of life..... (here it is!!!! the answer everyone wants to know...) is for men to have joy.



So, what is joy? In his book, 'Surprised By Joy' C. S. Lewis describes it as having one characteristic different from happiness and pleasure... "anyone who has experienced it, will want it again." The drive or ever-burning need for joy does not leave a person. Instead, it stays steady. And, Lewis also made the observation that "joy is almost never in our power and pleasure often is."

We can conclude then that joy is something constant, like a hunger and that it out of our power. Here is what I believe.

I believe joy is something long-lasting. But, that since it is our purpose in this life "to have joy," we are always looking for it. Like Lewis said, we hunger for it. Joy makes us stronger, while pleasure and/or happiness can be fleeting. Joy in a sense is peace and since we live in a erratic world with problems and we are flawed individuals, joy becomes our goal.

I have had moments of joy... one moment was at a concert at the Saltaire. The music was ethereal, the snow was peaceful, and I was with a loved one. Another moment was when I walked gardens by myself, the first day in June. I have also known joy in long conversations with family and those as close to me as my family. I had never been able to name the feeling I got after I wrote, or sang. These were the intangibles. But, I now know, these moments are joy. The more I have them, the more I want to make myself worthy for more of them.

And, this year will be the year of joy. I know better then to expect the year to go smoothly without any bumps, but I also know I only have power to recognize joy when it comes. These are the moments we live for and this is the year I will be aware and prepared.