A Weakness Becoming a Strength

Ether 12: 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

When I was in Jr. High, it was common every Friday in gym class to run the mile. This consisted of running four times around a narrow track on the field while being dressed in an ugly white tee shirt and blue shorts or sweats. I still remember lining up on the field and falling into one huge lump that would immediately spread as the signal was given to begin running.

This one activity was the source of about 75% of my Jr. High angst. I frequently got stomach aches, even thinking about running.

Prior to my first run, I remember thinking I would be fine. But, I was embarrassed beyond belief with my first attempt to run the mile.

I grew up dreading playing sports because I my only sibling was an older brother who had 5 years of sports on me. His favorite game was to play basketball "around" me as I desperately tried to keep up. I naturally lacked physical talent in most sports (except badminton). So, as I got older, I stayed inside at recess and "talked" or "hung out." Those who know me, know I still love people and conversations. It was easier to talk to someone than play them in basketball. Sadly however, this didn't allow me enough physical exercise to balance my bad eating habits and by the time I reached Jr. High, I was quite overweight for my age. Until that point, I had slid by in gym and everything else... until I had to begin running the mile. And... unless you had asthma or a bleeding limb, you were never excused from the joy of running every Friday. It was a mini-nightmare for me.

Running literally felt like death to me. I would run the mile every Friday and spend the rest of the day in my classes, coughing and feeling as if I had burned the inside of my lungs. It was a horrid thing to me, but for the most part, I just kept running. I got used to being slow. I learned I wasn't one of those kids in the class with the long legs and swift gate, who ultimately finished the mile in 5 minutes and passed you three times when you were on lap one.

Over the years, I improved. I made it through high school and actually lost most of the weight through some major changes in diet, regular exercise (I liked kickboxing), and some serious mental focus. However, I still hated running. Always.

Then, something happened. I was living in New Zealand, feeling rather tired and overwhelmed with my lack of physical care. I was eating badly again and I wasn't doing much except walking to classes on campus. I hated the gym, but it was free for students and I had used treadmills before. However, running with music was an amazing experience. The music motivated me to keep moving when I wanted to sit out. As I started to run that first time, I felt my heart thump awake and my skin open like it was taking a deep breath for me.

Thus began my slow conversion to running.

When I got home from my study abroad, I had no treadmill and couldn't afford anything except a good pair of headphones for my discman. So, I began running outside. The experience was so much more gratifying than running on a treadmill or even running in long loose circles on a track outside.

Soon, I was running along the sidewalks and roads in Spring, smelling the flowers open as the mid-May air heated gardens and lawns. My favorite thing has always been that first 4 minutes of running in warm Spring weather, when the blood in your body spreads from your heart and the pores of your skin open like small flowers. It was enough to get me out every Saturday morning.

Now... my speed has not improved much, but my endurance has. I used to run 2-3 miles at the most and now, I am just shy of 5 miles and climbing. I bought snazzy new running shoes and I have up graded my discman to the Nano ipod with one of those Nike + accessories that tracks your progress via sensor you attach to your shoe. (It is a really fun to have a little voice come across your music and report how far you've run. The purchase was worth it!)

Last year, I decided to conquer one of my fears and run an organized 5K. I chose to run the Breast Cancer run in May, and this was one of my favorite accomplishments of 2007. Running alone can be an amazing experience as you soak in your surroundings and truly dissolve in your own thoughts. But, running with a large, teeming group of people for a cause, can be one of the most invigorating and rewarding experiences a person can have.

Honestly, I still don't consider myself a runner.... Maybe a slow jogger. And, I have yet to approach a 10k or the ultimate for me, the half marathon. But, I marvel at how something I hated with a passion could literally become one of my passions.

Running for me has become a strength because I worked at it and I found a way to enjoy what I despised. It still isn't easy and my body is not as "in-shape" as I wish... not even close. But, sometimes just moving, and making steps in the right direction can be enough to propel you down a road you never thought you would take.

Who knows, maybe someday I will be able to pound my brother in basketball!