"Can I go to the bathroom?"

Do you know how often I hear these words everyday? Let's just say if I was paid five cents every time this phrase was uttered, John and I would be living in a house.

So, this is my little update... A few things have happened since I wrote last. I am no longer single, turning the page on that chapter and now reading up on being a new wife. I also took a job teaching kindergarten at a private school. Instead of spending my time at a desk for eight hours, my day consists of picture books, 11am snacks, and the agonizing section of the day termed "nap time." This is one of the hardest parts of the day for me and for my kids. It seems to be against a 6 year old's nature to lay still on a cushy mat and listen to pretty music. I would sell my fingers and toes to lay down too, but my job is different.

At my school, they break in new teachers by putting them in Kindergarten. We learn ways to teach reading and math skills and do so by teaching with another experienced teacher. I am really an apprentice. But, I like to think I am the muscle that keeps the class in line.

While the other teachers teach, I sit in the back, or stand off to the side and practice saying things like, "No, there is only one capital letter in your name..." or "we do not use our scissors like that..." I pace the room, with my arms folded, watching and correcting. Our Christmas program is tomorrow and my sole job in the whole process has been to keep children from screaming Joy to the World and wiggling themselves right off the stage.

I expect motherhood to be something like this... though thankfully I will not give birth to 18 children at once and have them all reach Kindergarten at the same time. That would really suck.

Life as a new wife has been much more pleasing. I guess it always helps to marry your best friend. We were given the advice to always laugh and I think John and I have already mastered this. It has been so much fun to have someone there when you get home and someone to make Belgian waffles with on Saturday mornings. But it is best when we look back at how we got here and realize all the blind dates, past relationships and frustrating wedding plans were all worth it when it leads to something this good. Marriage is really cool.

However, I have decided it is time to learn how to do a few things like... how to cook. Happily I know how to clean and do laundry and those things can be relaxing when I have burned the bottom of our one and only pot again.

My favorite new pastime is drying stuff. We got a food dehydrator and I have dried apples, kiwis, peaches, pears, and pineapple slices. John got adventuresome and made homemade beef jerky. It tasted just like the 6 dollar stuff at 7-11 but our apartment smelled like a butcher shop for a few days.

I also like living in a new city. I still find myself gravitating to the D.C. because I know where everything is already as opposed to having to look up the nearest Barnes and Noble.   But, Salt Lake has its definite pluses. We live in a beautiful area with lots of trees and most of the time it doesn't even feel like Utah. I found a new route to run and our apartment is as cozy as I could imagine. However, it takes a lot for the sun to get to us and we have little to no cell phone reception. Sometimes I just feel like I am on vacation in an unreachable land.

Well, I am going to end my update with a little list of the most important things I have learned in the last few months of my life. John said I am good at lists and I take pride in that fact!

• Crock pots are the best cooking device ever invented
• at school, imitation is really the sincerest form of flattery
• small apartments get messy fast, but they clean up fast (this motivates me to have a small house)
• even fake plants and flowers can make any room happier
• recess is when someone's true character comes out
• dried kiwi tastes like death but dried pears are fairly tasty
• when you like someone, draw them a picture
• Walmart has awesome deals on fake Christmas trees
• sleeping in on Saturday mornings is the best part of the week
• Red Box carries some really stupid movies that make me wish I got my dollar back
• reading at home with your kids will be worth more than anything to a child
• thanks you notes take longer than you think
• Change in life keeps you on your toes and as long as you are trying, you never really fail anything.... you just keep practicing.

My Views on Love- #3, concerning music...

This post is going to be a little different than the my other posts about love. After going to a concert the other night, I felt like it was extremely important for me to write about falling in love with a song.


The other night, I kept up my status as a "concert girl" and attended a free concert at the Galavant Center in downtown Salt Lake. Now, let me give you my background with the musician I saw there that night..... His name is Andrew Bird.


About a year ago, a friend introduced me to a song by Andrew Bird. The song was called "Sovay." It was VERY good but his music reminded me of the male version of Regina Spektor. A few months later, a friend who had gone to California to hear Andrew Bird, introduced me to all of his music. I put it on my ipod in a playlist called Birds and during a boring day in December, I listened to it blindly. I was at work and around 4 in the afternoon, I came across a ten minute instrumental piece with violins and crickets in the background. The piece was called "Ethiobirds" and it literally sounded like a mass of birds moving. I was blown away. It was beautiful. I told everyone about it! No one could quite get why I loved the song so much. But, slowly, I got very interested in this guy. I googled him and looked him up on Wikipedia and found Andrew bird was a thin, angled man from Chicago, with a suzuki education in violin. His lyrics rarely made complete sense to me, but usually they appeased my ears. He was an expert whistler and his voice was cool and relaxing in more than one way. I was hooked right away.



So, Back to the concert... That night, the crowd was annoying and about 85% were drinking and NOT paying attention to the entertainment. Being packed onto the grass with sweaty, stinking, people who were not aware of the music, created a plenty of tension. I was beyond frustrated. But then, Andrew Bird, lanky and dark haired, sang softly in the microphone and played long lines of his melody with the chaos of the guitars and drums. My head moved to one side and I connected with this guy. It was like he was playing and only I could hear. I fell in love with the music.



So, yeah. It sounds cheesy, but it is soooo real. It is possible to fall in love with a song. Don't believe me? Read the book The Awakening. It is totally possible.


Anyway, I want to give a few more examples of songs that I have fallen for harder than any teenage crush. Usually after hearing the song, I was hooked. I bought other songs and albums by the artist. But the greatest part is that I've listened to these songs over and over again and I still feel as much love for them as I did during the first listen . Some are popular some are weird. But, I feel it is my duty to share them.


*Till the Sun Turns Black- Ray LaMontagne: The whole album is wonderful, but when I heard this song and how it described the simple beauties of life, I lost myself in it. Plus, I've mentioned this guy's voice before and it is an instant aphrodisiac.


*Summertime- The Fire Theft: I think the rhythm moved me first on this one. Plus, Jeremy Enigk has the type of voice that is very rough and somehow it is strangely endearing. I somehow get drawn in every time. Oh, I also love the sea sounds at the end of the song. It makes me miss the ocean.


*The Scientist- Coldplay: Ok, I think everyone knows by now how much I love Coldplay. But, this was the first song that helped draw me in. I had heard "Yellow" and "Clocks," but this song was just so sweet and I am a sucker for the sweet ones.


*Silent Sigh-Badly Drawn Boy: I had never even heard of Badly Drawn Boy until a dear friend introduced me to the movie, About A Boy. I HIGHLY recommend it. It is British and the language is a bit rough for a pg-13. But... It has a wonderful moral and this song comes at such a pivotal scene! I used to listen to this song when I wanted a true dose of bittersweet. That word describes the movie perfectly too.

*Time is Running Out-Muse: I found out about Muse when I went to the "Twilight" website and read the playlists of songs Stephenie Meyer recommended as a soundtrack for her books. I like this song a lot and seeing it live last September was AWESOME!!!

*Atlantic-Keane: When I came across this song, I had an album of Keane already. However, when I heard this song, I was sold. This song builds and builds and then breaks. It is such a good one to listen to with headphones so you can hear all the layers.


*Daisy-Switchfoot: I think this has been of the most therapeutic song for me of all time! Switchfoot is a Christian Band, so they have awesome lyrics and messages to share. But, this song has really helped me when I have not had the courage to let go of something.


*Past and Pending- The Shins: Ok, I love "New Slang" as much as everyone else, but this song has always been soooo much better. I loved it and I think it is because it is so simple.


*Nothing Better-Postal Service: This one was introduced to me at the perfect time. It is a song of dialogue between two indie legends (Ben Gibbard and Jenny Lewis). The guy wants to get together and the girl needs to say no and stick to her answer. Postal Service came right when I was ready for a change in my music and this song stood above the rest on the Give Up album.

*Casimir Pulaski Day-Sufjan Stevens: Sufjan Stevens is a favorite of mine and always will be. His gentle voice, strange arrangements, and uplifting messages have always caught my attention fully. But, this song is sweet and about loving someone who is gone. It is the song that made me realize how awesome Sufjan really is.

*Carousel- Iron and Wine: It took me a while to recognize the beauty of this song, but one day when I was doing the dishes, this song came over the ipod and it struck me hard. Sam Beam sounded like he was singing underwater. Then, I saw it live and now the song is a classic, beautiful example to me of Iron and Wine at their best.

So, that is my little list of first loves. If you read this blog and like it, please make a comment and let me know what songs you have fallen in love with. I am always looking for new music!!

My Views on Love-Installment #2

It has been a little too long since I posted anything new... and the time has come for me to write! Many of you know I don't usually use the blog to write about new things in my life, as much as I write about ideas and the current musings of my mind. Let me see if I can do something that will appease both.

So, yes. I am engaged to be married. I got engaged June 13th at Red Butte Gardens and it has been a CRAZY ride since then. Mostly because I have no idea how to plan a wedding and those plans, combined with preparation for a new job teaching Kindergarten (starting just a little less than a week before I am married this Fall) was enough stress to throw me off into my wild orbits of craziness.

But, I want to say, I am very, very lucky. I am marrying a man who is kind, dedicated, loving, passionate, and my best friend. And, this leads me to an issue I wish to address.....

Most of you will remember my first post on love and my definition of love (love is having faith in someone). This definition is as true now as it ever was. However, since I started dating and since I got engaged, I have been VERY frustrated with Chick Flicks. Some of them make a mockery of love and faith. I am sorry if anyone is offended by this. I must admit, I still watch them... but to me, Love is not what the movies portray. It is not a hurried, flashy, gooey story where the man and woman fall deeply in love on the spot. I guess a prime example of this movie is Sleepless in Seattle.

Now, I love the movie for its humor and its hilarious portrayal of the differences between men and women. But, can we really believe that "magic" is the one and only thing people need to survive? No. Love is so much deeper than that. I agree there needs to be an element of passion and excitement, but to me love is literally a divine connection between two people. Not something strange and unknown.

Ok, so you say, "Katie, what chick flicks are good chick flicks?" Well, first let me preface these suggestions by saying they are not the typical "chick flicks." But I believe they do a nice job of showing different aspects of love.

If I were to pick a movie of the Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan vein, I think I would choose Joe Vs. the Volcano. I like the love story in this one. I also like how Joe Banks meets three different variations of Meg Ryan before they seem to connect and make a strong relationship. I think that is very true to life. In many ways we date and meet people who are "versions" of the type of person we are to eventually be happy with.

Um, another movie I love that seems to stand well against my standards....The Village. Yeah, I know. It is a scary movie, but the love story is soooo heart-warming. Love is the only virtue that can truly save us. Heck, I think Harry Potter incorporated that same theme too. (Note: Believe it or not, the love story in Walle was quite touching too and I cried. That is pretty rare for me, the heartless wench that I am, who never cries).

Though all of these movies are great, I still feel the best Love Stories were written by the All-Knowing Queen of Love, Jane Austen. Yes. I am sure any guy readers of this blog have now rolled their eyes or clicked off the page. But what I am trying to say is, that Jane Austen's love stories involve the exact elements that make love real. And NO, I am not talking about marrying millionaires. But, I am talking about a flawed man and a flawed woman, working through their own faults before they can love each other.
I am talking about two best friends who have grown up together and have never thought about love and then almost let fear stand in the way of their happiness. And I am talking about recognizing true love, over the flighty opinions of others. Or recognizing devotion and happiness over the prideful reckless behavior that can sting so badly. This is why I believe it.
The last element that makes Jane Austen's love stories REAL... the very real element of TIME. Love takes time. Love is all about Patience. I always think of Lizzie and Mr. Darcy and how much they had to go through before they got together. I think they learned a lot about each other and a lot about what true love is. But I bet things weren't always perfect after they were married, even if they were living in that trillion dollar mansion, Pemberly. But, I bet they loved each other enough to work through anything.

So, maybe in the future I can write a long list of the chick flicks that portray love as it really is. But I really just wanted to say I am grateful to of had the sense to recognize love in my own life. I understand the connection between two people and their own personal connection with God. I firmly believe you can't love someone until you love God and you love yourself. I'm just glad God wants us to be happy and that he is endlessly patient with me. Knowing that, has always given me the faith to love without fear.

"What Comes is Better Than What Came Before"

Mosiah 21: 16 And it came to pass that they began to prosper by degrees in the land.

I am sick. And this is not going to be one of those blogs where someone uses it as a complaining wall and dumps all their frustrations out for everyone with Internet access to read. But, I came across this verse in my reading of the Book of Mormon the other day and it sparked a thought in me. One thought, led to another (as most thoughts do) and I realized something... In the words of the Beatles, "Its Getting Better All the Time."

On May 4th, my throat began to tickle. I wanted to cough, but really I had nothing to cough about. So...I didn't think anything of it. May 5th, I woke up in a panic. I was getting sick and I felt it coming. Slowly. Most may not know this about me, but when I get sick, I usually name the virus I have. It is common for human beings to get sick with several different types of cold in their lifetime and so, when I get sick it makes me feel better to assign a name and number to each virus.

This cold was virus #1100, or "the crawling cold." It started out slowly, and has been crawling through me as slow as possible, since the beginning of May. It also arrived at a week in which I had many things planned and I sacrificed almost everything to virus #1100. I missed my good friend's wedding reception, dinner with a co-worker who I had not seen in a year, a french goodbye party for another friend, a trip to California with my boyfriend and his family, and worst of all... I missed the Breast Cancer 5k Run for the Cure. All of these things were sacrificed as well as two days of work and my regular eating and exercising routine and for almost two weeks. Life has sucked. My nose is raw, and dry and I can't laugh without having to cough. I sound like a full-grown man for the first 3 hours of the day and I haven't been able to breathe fully or swallow without wincing for over a week.

But, this morning I woke up and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was getting better "in degrees." I love that phrase because it truly captures what this life is all about. This life never flips on its side and sheds its problems like the skin of a snake, but instead, we see things improve one by one. The infuriating thing too is that this is also how I learn... by degrees.

I laid in bed this morning and I started to breathe a little deeper and my head wasn't as heavy. And I listened to one bird outside become three, trilling and chattering in the trees. Slow open blue shades slid across the sky and my room became brighter in degrees. Then I thought of how the seasons yank us back and forth until we are sick to our stomachs of winter and snow and thick inversion, and then... one day, we look outside and the sweet warm weather stays for a whole week instead of an afternoon. Or, after the burning stench of summer, we finally get a cool rain in September and a breeze, kind enough to lighten the burden. The key to it all is recognizing the improvement by degrees so as not to sink into depression that can accompany any lull.

Call me an amber-eyed optimist if you must, but colds do come to an end, bad hair cuts do grow out, pulled muscles and broken hearts do heal... and the minute I stop thinking about what I want to change, my life improves by degrees and my heart grows lighter.

five new discoveries

Usually I don't endorse advertisements on my blog, but today I feel it is my duty to write about five products that almost EVERYONE would benefit from. Each have made my life a little happier in the last month and I fully support them!

• Settebello's pizza
  

This is a new restaurant in Salt Lake City, just off of 260 south and 200 west. Honestly, this is the best pizza I have ever had. The owners belong to a group called VERA Pizza who believe in keeping pizza as authentic to the Italian way as possible. This pizza is thin and baked in a woodfire oven at the center of the room. Toppings are never heavy and thick, but just perfectly accenting the flavor of the pizza. Plus, the gelato is heavenly! My suggestion, call ahead, put your name on the call-ahead list and when you get there... order the Bianca pizza. It is a cheese pizza (no sauce) with fresh slices or prosciutto, Parmesan cheese and arugula. Add some Balsamic Vinegar and you will swear you are in Italy.

• Ray Lamontagne's album, Trouble
  
  

ok, My Boss was the one who introduced me to this amazing Musician. Ray Lamontagne has one of the sweetest, smoothest voices in the world and it WILL make any woman melt. But, my brother's roommate's best friend was the one who convinced me to look into this first album. It is filled with songs that comfort and talk of the true nature of love. It is surprisingly positive and still sensual. Sort of a cross between Iron and Wine and James Taylor. It is a must-have. For those of you who love itunes, pick up songs: Jolene, Shelter, Forever My Friend, and All the Wild Horses.

• Bare Essentials make up

I am not one for make-up gimmicks, but this one isn't a gimmick. Or at least I liked it enough to stay with it. My mom was the one to suggest this. So... I hate foundation and I hate uneven skin... but this make-up is so thin and it takes the place of foundation. It just gets fluffed on your face by a big soft brush and it covers all day. (ugh, this totally sounds like a commercial.) But, I really liked how light it was, and it didn't look you were caked in gunk. I think it healthier for your skin too. Mineral make-up. Just do it!

• Audible.com

So, I am not a very busy person right now at my job. The housing market is pretty slow and pretty bad. And, when it is busy, I still spend a lot of quality time with my ipod because I could do this work in my sleep. But, dare I say it... music only goes so far. I need intelligence. I need books. My boyfriend's sister was the one who really encouraged me to sign up with Audible.com. This is how it works: You fill out some info on-line and choose the plan you want and then for a monthly fee, you can download a book or two to listen to on your ipod. Some would argue the library is better, but I like having the book on my computer. Plus, if you sign up now, you can pay like $7.50 a month for one book credit for the first three months (then it goes up to $14.00). It is a good deal.... and so far I have been super pleased! I read Austenland Shannon Hale and am now into Life of Pi. For the ipod generation, it is a miraculous idea!

• Gaiam cardio fusion dvd

Those of you who know me, know I LOVE Billy Blanks and Taebo. However, sometimes I get bored. But, while I have always loved Yoga, and even at times Pilates, I have never gotten the good cardio work out Billy offered. But-this DVD is awesome. Mostly because it has a little bit of everything.
It starts out with good stretches and light yoga, then you do awesome cardio with squats that are REALLY effective. Then you do some Pilates and finish with Yoga. It touches everything and you feel so healthy afterwards. AND- the instructor is kind and does the whole workout with you. She is not obnoxious or rude. In fact she is Swedish and I feel like we could be friends.
Then to top it all off in true granola fashion, the dvd comes in an eco-friendly recycled cardboard box. priceless. Actually at Target it is about 15 bucks. Not bad for a good workout DVD you can do at home without a mat or weights or blocks.


So, there you have it. Ads on my blog... but only for products I believe in because they have improved my quality of life. Now, maybe I could get some compensation from these companies!

LIVE MUSIC!!!! -my history of being a recent concert girl

This past evening, I had the pleasure of going to the Grand Saltaire by the pungent shores of the Great Salt Lake to hear Ben Folds play the piano like a man on fire.

While pressed up against the ledge of the bar area overlooking the stage, it occurred to me that I have hit a new stage of my life... the active concert participant. I never believed myself a "concert girl." The people I knew who went to concerts were the people who would attend hard punk concerts, thriving in smoke, booze, and mosh pits. I just never saw the appeal of that scene growing up. I never wanted to risk my bones and vitals by going to a concert with a mass of stinking teenagers, ramming their bodies against each other. So... my teenage angst came out in other ways... like my obsession with musicals at the age of 17.

Now at age 25 I try to decide on what has kept me from this enjoyment... either the music is better than when I was in high school, or I am more finally active in the music scene. As a teenager, I only wanted to hear the Beatles in concert and that was never going to happen. There are major drawbacks to being so involved in music from 30 years prior. However, my first REAL concert was seeing the only Beatle that would come to Utah.... Ringo and his All Star Band!

I remember the concert was very good, but nothing to make me want to drop another 40-60 bucks again. I guess money has been a factor too.

Eventually, I took the job I have now, processing home loans. It was here I met a few people who opened up a brand new musical area of my life.... The Indie genre. My brother had been my prior musical sensai, but at this job I met people who were into bands that were just forming and had a definite connection to my preferences. Suddenly my musical tastes expanded and my musical sensais doubled. It was fun to share songs, groups and album titles among friends.

So, here I took my first leap into the thriving beautiful land of concerts. Around the beginning of September of last year and following a break up, I went to a MUSE concert with several friends who had nothing in common but their love for loud music.

Juliette Lewis and the Licks opened and kept me laughing in mockery of her songs, (especially the song, Sticky Sticky Sticky) before Muse came out and rattled me to the joints. It was loud and repressed explosive music and I was in heaven. I went home elated and ready for more .


The next concert I took on was Regina Spektor. This was my first introduction to The Venue in Salt Lake. It was also the first time I was so grateful I was of drinking age. Not because I drink, but because I could now watch the concert from the Bar above, instead of being squashed in the massive pit of stinking teens, eager to get a wave from Regina. A guy named Only Son opened for her and he was a quite a nice discovery. Regina Spektor was kind and softspoken, even as she told the audience to (please excuse me!!!) "shut the F*** up, she used her "inside" voice. But regardless, I was just impressed with her pure talent. Honestly, she had a pure voice and her singing live was just as good as any of her recordings.

In November, I got the chance to see Billy Joel at the Delta Center and he was just as fun as I hoped. Though, I prefer the smaller venue to the Delta Center because you feel like you are actually meeting the musician instead of watching a picture on the jumbo-tron. But, nothing beats We Didn't Start the Fire, live!!! That was worth ever bit of squinting.

The last and most amazing concert of 2007 was Iron and Wine. This was my first concert at the Great Saltaire. It was also the first really bad snow of the season and driving in and out of the storm was not fun. However, this concert had a feeling of pure surreal euphoria. It literally didn't feel real. Sam Beam was long haired and bearded and next to his red haired, violinist sister, they made quite the pair. Snow fell all night along the shore of the Salt Lake, and every song felt slower than usual, streaming endlessly into the next. A feeling of early Christmas good will, settled in as everyone left the parking lot, pleasant and polite as I had ever seen one group of people.

Then last night, I went back to the Saltaire with my boyfriend to see Ben Folds rock out on his Baldwin. We started with a few too many opening acts. Yet, I loved Ben Lee and his optimistic attitude as technically everything went wrong with the sound system. I prefer to follow his advice and embrace the chaos of live music!

When Ben Folds arrived I had forgotten what a total nerd he was. At 41, he was sporting his traditional t-shirt and dirty brown pants and thick Buddy Holly glasses. But as he, his blonde drummer, and tall dark bassist pounded out music straight from 9 to 11, my body was left vibrating with the choruses of I Wanna Be Kate, Army, Jesusland and a strange new song called Free Coffee. He also played my two favorites, The Luckiest and Landed. The night was raw and loud and fun.

What next? Well, I want to keep up this habitual concert habit as long as I don't let it put me into debt (but I have been pretty lucky so far). I hear the master of love, Al Green is coming and maybe some Death Cab for Cutie would be a good addition to my list. Plus, someday maybe I will be blessed to see some of the people I would really LOVE to meet.... Sufjan Stevens, Andrew Bird, and Coldplay(which might be possible someday since their newest album comes out in about a month or two.)

Either way, nothing compares to the thriving pulse of an audience eager to enjoy the talent of others. You just can't bottle energy like that.

A Weakness Becoming a Strength

Ether 12: 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

When I was in Jr. High, it was common every Friday in gym class to run the mile. This consisted of running four times around a narrow track on the field while being dressed in an ugly white tee shirt and blue shorts or sweats. I still remember lining up on the field and falling into one huge lump that would immediately spread as the signal was given to begin running.

This one activity was the source of about 75% of my Jr. High angst. I frequently got stomach aches, even thinking about running.

Prior to my first run, I remember thinking I would be fine. But, I was embarrassed beyond belief with my first attempt to run the mile.

I grew up dreading playing sports because I my only sibling was an older brother who had 5 years of sports on me. His favorite game was to play basketball "around" me as I desperately tried to keep up. I naturally lacked physical talent in most sports (except badminton). So, as I got older, I stayed inside at recess and "talked" or "hung out." Those who know me, know I still love people and conversations. It was easier to talk to someone than play them in basketball. Sadly however, this didn't allow me enough physical exercise to balance my bad eating habits and by the time I reached Jr. High, I was quite overweight for my age. Until that point, I had slid by in gym and everything else... until I had to begin running the mile. And... unless you had asthma or a bleeding limb, you were never excused from the joy of running every Friday. It was a mini-nightmare for me.

Running literally felt like death to me. I would run the mile every Friday and spend the rest of the day in my classes, coughing and feeling as if I had burned the inside of my lungs. It was a horrid thing to me, but for the most part, I just kept running. I got used to being slow. I learned I wasn't one of those kids in the class with the long legs and swift gate, who ultimately finished the mile in 5 minutes and passed you three times when you were on lap one.

Over the years, I improved. I made it through high school and actually lost most of the weight through some major changes in diet, regular exercise (I liked kickboxing), and some serious mental focus. However, I still hated running. Always.

Then, something happened. I was living in New Zealand, feeling rather tired and overwhelmed with my lack of physical care. I was eating badly again and I wasn't doing much except walking to classes on campus. I hated the gym, but it was free for students and I had used treadmills before. However, running with music was an amazing experience. The music motivated me to keep moving when I wanted to sit out. As I started to run that first time, I felt my heart thump awake and my skin open like it was taking a deep breath for me.

Thus began my slow conversion to running.

When I got home from my study abroad, I had no treadmill and couldn't afford anything except a good pair of headphones for my discman. So, I began running outside. The experience was so much more gratifying than running on a treadmill or even running in long loose circles on a track outside.

Soon, I was running along the sidewalks and roads in Spring, smelling the flowers open as the mid-May air heated gardens and lawns. My favorite thing has always been that first 4 minutes of running in warm Spring weather, when the blood in your body spreads from your heart and the pores of your skin open like small flowers. It was enough to get me out every Saturday morning.

Now... my speed has not improved much, but my endurance has. I used to run 2-3 miles at the most and now, I am just shy of 5 miles and climbing. I bought snazzy new running shoes and I have up graded my discman to the Nano ipod with one of those Nike + accessories that tracks your progress via sensor you attach to your shoe. (It is a really fun to have a little voice come across your music and report how far you've run. The purchase was worth it!)

Last year, I decided to conquer one of my fears and run an organized 5K. I chose to run the Breast Cancer run in May, and this was one of my favorite accomplishments of 2007. Running alone can be an amazing experience as you soak in your surroundings and truly dissolve in your own thoughts. But, running with a large, teeming group of people for a cause, can be one of the most invigorating and rewarding experiences a person can have.

Honestly, I still don't consider myself a runner.... Maybe a slow jogger. And, I have yet to approach a 10k or the ultimate for me, the half marathon. But, I marvel at how something I hated with a passion could literally become one of my passions.

Running for me has become a strength because I worked at it and I found a way to enjoy what I despised. It still isn't easy and my body is not as "in-shape" as I wish... not even close. But, sometimes just moving, and making steps in the right direction can be enough to propel you down a road you never thought you would take.

Who knows, maybe someday I will be able to pound my brother in basketball!

Time of the Season

I am more than ready to begin living my second favorite season, Spring. Here are 7 simple things that bring joy to those of us still stuck in the last cough of winter.





#1 Bike Rides


So, I haven't ridden a bike since I was ten. However, after Lent this year, I chose a new bike as my reward for surviving a ridiculous 37 days with no dessert.


This beautiful, low step, girly Trek bike is my new favorite Spring activity. I still ride like a ten year old, slowing down at every curve, and getting nervous around cars. But, the feeling of coasting past my elementary school at age 25, while listening to Iron and Wine on a Saturday afternoon, can lift one's spirits to new heights.





#2 Time of the strawberries

I love the shape of strawberries and their deafening red color. Heart-shaped and smooth, I love them sliced over cereal, in whipped cream, or between two pieces of bread with jam to make a strawberry sandwich. This was my invention when we were low on lunch items and surprisingly, it really tastes good and makes me happy.

#3 Dandelion Wine

This wonderful book is all about two boys who make the slow turn into Spring and approaching Summer. Bradbury spends one chapter describing the pure joy a little boy has when getting a new pair of shoes to run in. It is a perfect Spring (and Summer) read. It always reminds me of the importance of having wind chimes when one is sick in bed.

#4 Jandle time

I am talking flip flops or as the Kiwis from NZ call them, the beloved jandles. All I know, is that the season has OFFICIALLY changed when you can slip off the shoes and socks and let your toes out.

#5 Birds in the morning

I do believe my favorite sign of Spring is the return of the birds (though nothing compares to the birds I woke up to during a New Zealand spring). But still, I LOVE waking up to a semi-light morning and having the urgent voices of birds outside, trilling and soaring. It is such a wonderful addition to the music I wake up to... though, it is quite ironic since I wake up to Andrew Bird (seriously, I highly recommend this guy... he is a favorite).

#6 Daffodils and Tulips

The other day, I was running outside and I passed the edge of a neighbors lawn. The tired heads of tulips were starting to break the surface of the lawn. I felt so much motivation, I ran faster! But really, I love the tulips that fill gardens, the spring green leaves all over willow trees, and the daffodils that explode in heated yellow.

My favorite demonstration of daffodils comes from a little house in Bountiful. My brother, my boyfriend, and our other friend all live in the ultimate bachelor pad. However, from the outside, this little white house has explosive amounts of daffodils in the yard, making everything as picturesque as ever. You'd never expect three bachelors to be the house's only tenants.

#7 Kite flying

And the best for last... to fly a kite is to taste of a bird's life. I did this successfully last year as a part of my 25 things to do before I turned 25 list and it was a joy in itself. I bought a Sponge Bob kite and at Toys R Us and flew it at Antelope Island, with the sun setting and the Salt Lake breathing heavy and low in late spring.

Aah, what a lovely time of year.

Published!!!

It is really hard being a writer. Rejection is something you have to adjust to like a hot shower... before long, you just don't feel the burn anymore. However, when things work out in your favor, you must always celebrate.

One of my poems was recently chosen to be published in the Literary Magazine, Weber Studies. This is a poem I wrote for a professor who recently passed away from cancer.

In my experience, poems rarely come finished. Usually you have to sort through the garbage you write that needs to be weeded out. This poem felt different from the start and it was an answer to a prayer.
Hope you like it!

Occupation-to Ken Brewer

After diagnosis,
he turned over his half-written
notebook and began to work
until the last swallow of life was left.

Writing wouldn’t be rationed.

When we are told
how many
breaths are left,
and approximately how
long it takes cancer to eat
at the liver, lungs or breast,
our nature may move us into
our final occupation.
These are the jobs we’ve possibly lived
or lost
or neglected.

We become the philosophers,
complainers,
and lovers—
caught cursing
or crying
the day
the heavy hand
of God is set
on our shoulders,
and we are painfully asked
to leave.

My passion for Peeps-an insight into an obsession

Those who know me on a personal level are aware of my love for Peeps. But, when I peruse the Peeps website or get excited about a new color of Peep, or bring Peeps to share at a party, many cringe and look at me as if I have lost my mind(or at least my sense of taste). This post is a simple explanation of how I can feel such love for a sugared, three dimensional, marshmallow treat.

In classic Psycho-analytic form, I blame my father for this obsession. For as long as I can remember, my Dad has been obsessed with eating marshmallows. He taught me to place your classic "campfire marshmallows" in a pie tin in the oven at broil, and flip them over as they brown. And... there you have it, INSTANT GOO. I inherited my Dad's sugar fetish and have proudly developed into a "Peep freak" just like him.

As kids, Peeps were an Easter staple: Hot Cross Buns, Honey Baked Ham, warm potatoes, fresh rolls, and Peeps. Everyone knows there are two ways to eat Peeps. My dad is a die-hard chewy peep fan. He still rips off the plastic and leaves them out for weeks, months and on one occasion, a year (when my mom learned of that instance, she made sure that would never happen again). I myself, enjoy them soft. But, contrary to popular myth, Peeps do not roast well. It is true that watching a Peep explode in the microwave provides endless entertainment, but eating the Peep afterwards proves to be a negative experience.

This Peep fetish runs in my family. My grandma gave all the grandkids packages of Peeps at Easter. My uncles love Peeps. Even my Aunt had a "Peep incident" at her work when a fellow employee put a Peep on a shelf near the ceiling, let it sit for almost 4 years and then ate it. (note: this blog does not condone any such behavior with a Peep).!


As I got older, Peeps changed with the changing times. The stiff bunny and pompous looking chick evolved into the Vanilla and Strawberry Creme hearts at Valentines. Soon we had orange pumpkins, white ghosts, black spiders and bats, and Frankenstein heads at Halloween. Then, Christmas trees and gingerbread men Peeps appeared. I was elated a few years ago to see an actual Peep inside a chocolate egg and a "decorating kit" for white egg Peeps. Though these four holidays are the only holidays with Peeps, it has been rumored New Years Peeps exist. I will believe it when I see it!


I have also allowed Peeps to affect my personal goals and traditions. A few years ago, I was dyeing eggs with my friends at Easter and I started getting goofy, taking fun pictures of Peeps. This soon became a tradition. Last year, I decided to attempt to make my own Peeps. This proved to be an AWESOME experience. However, it is true in this case, store bought Peeps taste much better than homemade.





This year, for Lent, I decided to sacrifice sugar. It has been an intense escapade, but in a matter of days, I will be able to eat a sugared Peep, guilt free! (Note: Sugar-free Peeps do exist and though they taste the same, the strange thickness of the marshmallow and warnings on the package of a "laxative effect" should be enough to encourage only the consumption of real Peeps).


So, in honor of Easter and its many traditions (i.e. plastic eggs full of Robin Eggs, Hollow chocolate bunnies, and Charlton Heston) I honor the Peep. It is truly a modern day marvel!

A poem to pass the time...

Tane Mahuta*

The Maoris told us you
lifted our parents apart,
an eternal divorce
for our own good,
so we might bloom
in their shadows.

By this act,
we’ve learned to separate,
to walk away,
and somewhere
between their color
and heat,
we move

across our mother
and under the blue
back of our father,
unable to recognize
their faces.


Within the Waipoua Forest,
you’ve dressed in age
and kept your limbs
pressed into the belly of our father,
pleading for us,
while we believe
we are the source of light.



* the son of Mother Earth and Father Sky in Maori legend. It is also the name of an ancient Kauri tree in New Zealand, between 1250 and 2500 years old.

My Views On Love

“Righteous love comes so naturally and so beautifully
that it is apparent that there is a
special providence about it.”—Boyd K. Packer


This post has been rattling around in the recesses of my brain for sometime, but I have had a hard time trying to organize these thoughts. However, in honor of Valentine's Day, I believe it is time to step up and deliver. I need to get down in words many of the "theories" I've adopted. This post will give a bit of my own background in love and what I believe.

Let me start out with the fact that I am single. I am in my twenties and have never been married or engaged. So, I am not an expert in love. However, I have learned a lot about myself in the last two years worth of realtionships. My disclaimer is that these opinions are just opinions.

My early experiences with love were just the typical crush. The earliest crushes of my life consisted of a constant flow of thoughts and excitment towards one boy, either in my class, neighborhood, or somtimes my older brother's best friend. I can't even begin to name all of my crushes. Many of them were fleeting, but intense... only on my part of course. In fact, I remember going through a phase where I firmly believed you impress the person you like by trying to insult them. I guess it was the notion of trying to be "one of the guys" earned you respect. But, then you get treated like one of the guys. Yes, this was a terrible idea and it never quite yielded the results I wanted.

But, the older I got, the more I learned. Usually I liked one my of my guy friends and nothing came of it except me being their "best friend." The guy would come to me and talk about the girl they really liked. I gave great advice because I wanted them to be happy. Then, I hurt. This phase of my life has been steady for years.

Eventually I hit a phase in my life where the guys I fell for, began to like me back. It was an impressive thing to have your feelings returned. Through college, I dated and continued to learn about myself. Somewhere in 2003, I sat with a friend of mine and sorted out my own theories on love. I broke down my views on love into three charateristics every woman wants in a man. Let me explain....

It is easiest to see as a triangle. I call it the "Love Triangle" and it consists of three factors; the Darth Vader Factor, the Geek Factor, and the Intrigue Factor.

The Darth Vader Factor can best be described by the following: Women want a man who could be bad, but isn't. This means, we don't want a guy who is evil, but someone who may have had a darker side at one time, (or could have had a darker side) and has chosen to be good. He is the guy who has chosen goodness over rebellion. Now, it could be debated Darth Vader was a REALLY evil guy for sometime, but he also saved his son in the end, and he was never all bad like everyone believed. The key to this factor is knowing where someone's heart is.

The Geek Factor can really be described as the small things the guy will do that gives him weakness. If he waves to you when he sees you and then trips, it is cute. Most guys don't understand this, but women don't want a guy who is perfect. We want to feel equal and it is good to see a guy's flaws.





The Intrigue Factor is hard to describe. But, it is the factor that is different for everyone. Every guy has talents, and shines in their own unique way. Sometimes an accent will be intriguing, or his ability to speak another language or make really good ommlettes. This factor involves personal aptitude. Sometimes just the way he looks at you can make you WANT TO KNOW HIM.

Triangles can be skewed since almost no guys are a "perfect triangle." But, I have also noticed one thing about the triangle theory... Women tend to be attracted to the factor they are lacking. For example, if a girl has been a "goody two shoes" all her life, she may be more attracted to the Darth Vader types. I guess you can say, "opposites attract." But, remember to give all factors a place. Too much of any one thing can be bad.

So, that is the break down I came up with several years ago. It makes sense for the most part. I still believe in the Love Triangle, but in many ways, I have grown up a lot. I now see guys as hopefully they see me... fellow human beings, with facets and flaws, despartely trying to make the best of an uncertain future. Really, the key is to keep moving. There will always be exceptions to every rule and once you decide something, you will have to eat your words. Even theories only go so far. Relationships allow us to learn about ourself.

For instance, I somehow survived a phase of my life that was nothing but blind dates (It can be REALLY terrible to have parents who met on a blind date). Most of the time, they were bad. REALLY BAD. But, the best blind date I ever went on turned into a 4 month realtionship that taught me a lot about myself. I don't regret my experiences. Somtimes, I regret my ridiculous behavior when I have been in "love." But, I am grateful for all of it.

When it comes down to it, I believe in love. I believe love is natural. I believe when you start wanting to spend a lot of time with someone, ask yourself why. I believe in COMPLETE honesty. AND I MEAN THAT!!! Yes, there is something to be said for timing... but without communication and honesty, you two can never be on the same page. And, being on the same page with someone is literally joy. I believe in finding someone who brings out your best self and your most genuine side. I believe in loving every bit of someone... all their facets and flaws. I believe in moving on and I believe in second chances. I believe in choices.

One day, I was talking to my grandmother about love. I saw how she and my grandpa lived a devoted, loving life together. In my religion, when two people are married, they are married for eternity. The idea always scared me so badly. I didn't know how you could KNOW. I believe God will help us know, but how can that decision ever be made? How can you REALLY KNOW? Then it hit me... you won't. Not at first anyway. You will hopefully find someone as dedicated to you as much as you are to them... and you move on from there. You will spend the rest of eternity spending your life with someone, growing and loving them more and more. You don't start out at level 10, but work the rest of your life to get there. In the end, you examine all options and you choose. Then, you move forward without fear.


I believe the scripture that says Love conquers all fear. I don't think anything could be any more true. Love is having faith in somone. I have taken risks. I have moved forward. And others have taken risks on me and have given freely. Someone has had faith in me and to me, that is love. I have chosen love.