Haiku #33 Sailing into the 35th Year and The End of the Haiku Project

Ten years ago today, I was jumping out of an airplane. I'm not kidding.  In 2007, I was single, graduated from college, living with roommates and feeling a little overwhelmed by the cross-roads ahead of me.

So, I chose to jump out of an airplane with two good friends and one of my best friends, who a year later, purposed marriage.  Ten years ago, everything looked gaping open and unfinished. I felt worried about my future.

Sometime in January 2007, I made a list of 25 things to do before I turned 25 and I worked my way through them until I had my birthday. The airplane thing was last on the list.  Like I've said before, I like challenges and goals.

Life is so much different now and it took a lot of time before things worked out.  Some things never worked out the way I hoped (aka, grad school). But three kids, a house, a husband, and a bird later, I wouldn't trade it for anything. My life is not easy by any means, but being in a different place brings different surprises and new chances to learn.

One thing I know is that I have learned a lot about who I am. I'm accepting the good and the bad and trying to work on what I can change, while being ok with what I can't change.  I am also proud of the fact that I am getting better at not letting discouragement and fear take me down.  Things are hard.  And mind you this example is a very trivial one...but just last night I tried my hand at the new ukulele and it was hard!  It might be easy for some, but things come slow for me.  Well, I had this panic moment when I thought maybe I had done the wrong thing. Then I remembered all the other times I had thought that and pushed through and I received a little more confidence.

The thing is, birthdays can be a downer.  Just today a friend and I were laughing about how adults celebrate birthdays.  I am proud that I still love my birthday and that I love to celebrate with balloons and lights, and cupcakes.  If anything, I view birthdays as another year to learn something else, improve, or do something I've never done before. And when I get too old and slow down, I can still learn new things .  It is so easy to give into the negative, but it takes real muscles to remain positive.

Here is the end of my Haikus.  Thanks to all who have faithfully read my poetic project and been supportive.  (ps thanks for overlooking the typos!) Maybe someone out there has learned poetry can be a delightful delicacy.  Try writing a haiku sometime.  It can be as good as chocolate for the soul.

Thirty-Five Years
by Kate Cowan

This year unfolds fast,
a layered flower in sun-
bright blooms in new shades.

Haiku #32 I Am A Writer

I have a memory from a long time ago when I was assigned to work on a little project at church and for some reason I was asked to help write a section of text.  I was probably only about 12.  But the adult who was supervising was working with us and after I helped, she looked me straight in the eye and told me I was a good writer.

When I was about nine, I got a journal and decided to start writing.  It stuck.  Before I knew it, writing became therapy for me.  All through Jr. High, High School and College, when the emotions were running rampant and I had no idea how to make sense of my world, I wrote everyday in my journal.  It was nothing amazing, but it helped me to process my life.

In some ways, I love going back and reading my past entries. Sometimes it is down right embarrassing to read, but I love seeing where I have been and where I am headed.  It always amazes me how short our memories are and how fast things fall through the cracks.  But reading what has happened, helps me put things in perspective and have faith in what is to come.  It can also upset me if I come across something from the past that brings up negative emotions like fear and sadness.  However, like scars, I have earned my life experiences and the point is to become better from them.

I still write. Writing everyday is awfully hard so sometimes I write later on about what happened, yesterday or even last week.  I love being able to read about the day my husband and I talked marriage for the first time, or the day each of my girls were born, or the day I was first published.  It can be freaky to think other generations will read my journal.  Maybe before I die, I will write an abridged version, basically getting rid of everything from my jr. high days.  But my greatest comfort  is knowing how writing has helped me heal, sort out, and understand myself.

Poetry has always been my solid, creative way to express the mess inside my mind.  Writing in my journal is my process for getting that mess outside of my head so I can think straight again.

This little haiku project is coming to an end tomorrow and all I can say is that forcing myself to think outside of the normal by writing in poetic form  has given me new energy.  I don't care how simple these little poems are.  They may never show up in places for loads of people to read, but they were for me. And doing something just for me is just fine.

Journaling
by Kate Cowan

This shabby, routine day
is roughly written in lines,
the ongoing portrait.