I have had some hard jobs and some bad jobs, and this one tops the cake for "amount of patience required." But this blog is not meant to dig farther into my psyche and decision of taking this job. It is simply a blog of observations. I have learned a lot teaching six year olds and here are just a few oddities that make this job like no other...
#1-Mini Me
When teaching Kindergarten, you are bound to meet mini, six year old versions of people from all stages of your life. I have met a little boy who is the six yr. old version of my Music Professor from College. This boy has the same spaced out, yet totally brilliant look in his eyes. Same resistance to authority. I've also met a girl who is the six yr. old Regina Spektor. She has the same girly awkward body and ridiculous need for attention. I have also met a little boy, who is the six yr. old version of my ex-boyfriend. He also has the same mischievous smile and stubborn attitude. I never suspected my teaching to lead me into the past to view what all these people were like at six years old.#2 Triplicate
All six year olds say things in triplicate. "Can I get a drink?" x3 "I lost my black crayon." x3 "I see a spider!!" x3 Everything they utter comes out in threes and if you even try to ignore them, triplicate gets doubled and usually the question or phrase is said 6 times.
#3 Volume
Six year olds have only two volumes, Loud and Mumble. Some of you may know I still struggle with this one even at my age. But, I am put to shame by the exuberant, powerful nature all six year olds exclaim stories and comments. It won't matter if I am three yards, three feet, or three inches from them... they demand to be heard. But, they will still mumble when they lose their train of thought and don't know what to say. At least I have taught them to swallow their food before asking me any questions during lunchtime.#4 Colors and Happy Endings
Six year olds need to have color. I have tested out lots of books on these kids this year and they crave stories with lots of color. The pictures need to be bright, the music up-beat, and the endings happy. Children do NOT develop depressing, emo personalities until they hit that crappy time of life called, puberty. This became very apparent the day I read, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" and they complained it was too sad. #5 Copy Cats
Six year olds ALL copy each other. Plagiarism is a way of life. Each one is so used to copying the example or the drawing of a parent, teacher, or older sibling... that when you get 20 of them in a room, they all bounce off each other and imprint each other. One child will complain that so and so is copying their picture of a jelly fish and then, that child will copy someone else. It is really how they learn, though I hear the phrase, "She/He is copying me!!!!" a lot. I try to teach them that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but then they ask me what "flattery" means and I regret my attempt to help.#6 The Wiggles
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Almost every six year old has what we call "the wiggles." They will uncontrollably have to run or jump or wiggle because sitting in the same place for longer than 45 minutes is beyond their capability. As teachers we have things called "Wiggle Breaks" where we let them pretend to be an animal, or we do the hokey pokey, or we let them bend and move around. I started to incorporate yoga poses here and there just to help their flexibility, but nothing beats pretending to be a Lion and crawling around on the floor.#7 The Forty Year old Phenomenon
Six year olds come in all ages. Some are old souls, caught in a tiny body. They are the children that walk with me at recess and ask me to tell the boys over there to wear their coats or they will catch colds. Or, they are the children that tell me they know how much I must be looking forward to the weekend.... Like they can read my mind.
Some six year olds can also come in flirty teenage form, and those are the parents I pity. Imagine having a teenager ten years earlier than normal. (shudder)
#8 The Irrelevant
Six year olds have a need to say whatever comes to their minds.... even if it has NOTHING to do with what is being taught or said. Their need to share is FAR more important than anything else going on and I spend a lot of my days wondering where these little minds really are. Probably just moving faster than mine. It makes me feel old.
#9 Four Senses
The average six year old lacks one of the five senses. They do not hear. I am convinced most six year olds are partially deaf. Listening has to be practiced daily and the teachers can only do so much. Sometimes this also intertwines with #8... for example, if a child has that need to share the irrelevant, it will usually trump another child who is talking.
I have also noticed a correlation to the size of the group and the amount of deafness. Thus, the larger the group, the less they hear.
#10 Romantic stories are gross
Six year olds hate marriage and kissing. However, they will use the word "love" always when referring to their parents, families, and teachers. I have received countless notes saying, "I Love you!" To them, love has nothing to do with kissing or marriage.
Teaching has just about killed me this year, but I remember that whatever doesn't kill me, just gives me more to write about.
