"What Comes is Better Than What Came Before"

Mosiah 21: 16 And it came to pass that they began to prosper by degrees in the land.

I am sick. And this is not going to be one of those blogs where someone uses it as a complaining wall and dumps all their frustrations out for everyone with Internet access to read. But, I came across this verse in my reading of the Book of Mormon the other day and it sparked a thought in me. One thought, led to another (as most thoughts do) and I realized something... In the words of the Beatles, "Its Getting Better All the Time."

On May 4th, my throat began to tickle. I wanted to cough, but really I had nothing to cough about. So...I didn't think anything of it. May 5th, I woke up in a panic. I was getting sick and I felt it coming. Slowly. Most may not know this about me, but when I get sick, I usually name the virus I have. It is common for human beings to get sick with several different types of cold in their lifetime and so, when I get sick it makes me feel better to assign a name and number to each virus.

This cold was virus #1100, or "the crawling cold." It started out slowly, and has been crawling through me as slow as possible, since the beginning of May. It also arrived at a week in which I had many things planned and I sacrificed almost everything to virus #1100. I missed my good friend's wedding reception, dinner with a co-worker who I had not seen in a year, a french goodbye party for another friend, a trip to California with my boyfriend and his family, and worst of all... I missed the Breast Cancer 5k Run for the Cure. All of these things were sacrificed as well as two days of work and my regular eating and exercising routine and for almost two weeks. Life has sucked. My nose is raw, and dry and I can't laugh without having to cough. I sound like a full-grown man for the first 3 hours of the day and I haven't been able to breathe fully or swallow without wincing for over a week.

But, this morning I woke up and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was getting better "in degrees." I love that phrase because it truly captures what this life is all about. This life never flips on its side and sheds its problems like the skin of a snake, but instead, we see things improve one by one. The infuriating thing too is that this is also how I learn... by degrees.

I laid in bed this morning and I started to breathe a little deeper and my head wasn't as heavy. And I listened to one bird outside become three, trilling and chattering in the trees. Slow open blue shades slid across the sky and my room became brighter in degrees. Then I thought of how the seasons yank us back and forth until we are sick to our stomachs of winter and snow and thick inversion, and then... one day, we look outside and the sweet warm weather stays for a whole week instead of an afternoon. Or, after the burning stench of summer, we finally get a cool rain in September and a breeze, kind enough to lighten the burden. The key to it all is recognizing the improvement by degrees so as not to sink into depression that can accompany any lull.

Call me an amber-eyed optimist if you must, but colds do come to an end, bad hair cuts do grow out, pulled muscles and broken hearts do heal... and the minute I stop thinking about what I want to change, my life improves by degrees and my heart grows lighter.

five new discoveries

Usually I don't endorse advertisements on my blog, but today I feel it is my duty to write about five products that almost EVERYONE would benefit from. Each have made my life a little happier in the last month and I fully support them!

• Settebello's pizza
  

This is a new restaurant in Salt Lake City, just off of 260 south and 200 west. Honestly, this is the best pizza I have ever had. The owners belong to a group called VERA Pizza who believe in keeping pizza as authentic to the Italian way as possible. This pizza is thin and baked in a woodfire oven at the center of the room. Toppings are never heavy and thick, but just perfectly accenting the flavor of the pizza. Plus, the gelato is heavenly! My suggestion, call ahead, put your name on the call-ahead list and when you get there... order the Bianca pizza. It is a cheese pizza (no sauce) with fresh slices or prosciutto, Parmesan cheese and arugula. Add some Balsamic Vinegar and you will swear you are in Italy.

• Ray Lamontagne's album, Trouble
  
  

ok, My Boss was the one who introduced me to this amazing Musician. Ray Lamontagne has one of the sweetest, smoothest voices in the world and it WILL make any woman melt. But, my brother's roommate's best friend was the one who convinced me to look into this first album. It is filled with songs that comfort and talk of the true nature of love. It is surprisingly positive and still sensual. Sort of a cross between Iron and Wine and James Taylor. It is a must-have. For those of you who love itunes, pick up songs: Jolene, Shelter, Forever My Friend, and All the Wild Horses.

• Bare Essentials make up

I am not one for make-up gimmicks, but this one isn't a gimmick. Or at least I liked it enough to stay with it. My mom was the one to suggest this. So... I hate foundation and I hate uneven skin... but this make-up is so thin and it takes the place of foundation. It just gets fluffed on your face by a big soft brush and it covers all day. (ugh, this totally sounds like a commercial.) But, I really liked how light it was, and it didn't look you were caked in gunk. I think it healthier for your skin too. Mineral make-up. Just do it!

• Audible.com

So, I am not a very busy person right now at my job. The housing market is pretty slow and pretty bad. And, when it is busy, I still spend a lot of quality time with my ipod because I could do this work in my sleep. But, dare I say it... music only goes so far. I need intelligence. I need books. My boyfriend's sister was the one who really encouraged me to sign up with Audible.com. This is how it works: You fill out some info on-line and choose the plan you want and then for a monthly fee, you can download a book or two to listen to on your ipod. Some would argue the library is better, but I like having the book on my computer. Plus, if you sign up now, you can pay like $7.50 a month for one book credit for the first three months (then it goes up to $14.00). It is a good deal.... and so far I have been super pleased! I read Austenland Shannon Hale and am now into Life of Pi. For the ipod generation, it is a miraculous idea!

• Gaiam cardio fusion dvd

Those of you who know me, know I LOVE Billy Blanks and Taebo. However, sometimes I get bored. But, while I have always loved Yoga, and even at times Pilates, I have never gotten the good cardio work out Billy offered. But-this DVD is awesome. Mostly because it has a little bit of everything.
It starts out with good stretches and light yoga, then you do awesome cardio with squats that are REALLY effective. Then you do some Pilates and finish with Yoga. It touches everything and you feel so healthy afterwards. AND- the instructor is kind and does the whole workout with you. She is not obnoxious or rude. In fact she is Swedish and I feel like we could be friends.
Then to top it all off in true granola fashion, the dvd comes in an eco-friendly recycled cardboard box. priceless. Actually at Target it is about 15 bucks. Not bad for a good workout DVD you can do at home without a mat or weights or blocks.


So, there you have it. Ads on my blog... but only for products I believe in because they have improved my quality of life. Now, maybe I could get some compensation from these companies!

LIVE MUSIC!!!! -my history of being a recent concert girl

This past evening, I had the pleasure of going to the Grand Saltaire by the pungent shores of the Great Salt Lake to hear Ben Folds play the piano like a man on fire.

While pressed up against the ledge of the bar area overlooking the stage, it occurred to me that I have hit a new stage of my life... the active concert participant. I never believed myself a "concert girl." The people I knew who went to concerts were the people who would attend hard punk concerts, thriving in smoke, booze, and mosh pits. I just never saw the appeal of that scene growing up. I never wanted to risk my bones and vitals by going to a concert with a mass of stinking teenagers, ramming their bodies against each other. So... my teenage angst came out in other ways... like my obsession with musicals at the age of 17.

Now at age 25 I try to decide on what has kept me from this enjoyment... either the music is better than when I was in high school, or I am more finally active in the music scene. As a teenager, I only wanted to hear the Beatles in concert and that was never going to happen. There are major drawbacks to being so involved in music from 30 years prior. However, my first REAL concert was seeing the only Beatle that would come to Utah.... Ringo and his All Star Band!

I remember the concert was very good, but nothing to make me want to drop another 40-60 bucks again. I guess money has been a factor too.

Eventually, I took the job I have now, processing home loans. It was here I met a few people who opened up a brand new musical area of my life.... The Indie genre. My brother had been my prior musical sensai, but at this job I met people who were into bands that were just forming and had a definite connection to my preferences. Suddenly my musical tastes expanded and my musical sensais doubled. It was fun to share songs, groups and album titles among friends.

So, here I took my first leap into the thriving beautiful land of concerts. Around the beginning of September of last year and following a break up, I went to a MUSE concert with several friends who had nothing in common but their love for loud music.

Juliette Lewis and the Licks opened and kept me laughing in mockery of her songs, (especially the song, Sticky Sticky Sticky) before Muse came out and rattled me to the joints. It was loud and repressed explosive music and I was in heaven. I went home elated and ready for more .


The next concert I took on was Regina Spektor. This was my first introduction to The Venue in Salt Lake. It was also the first time I was so grateful I was of drinking age. Not because I drink, but because I could now watch the concert from the Bar above, instead of being squashed in the massive pit of stinking teens, eager to get a wave from Regina. A guy named Only Son opened for her and he was a quite a nice discovery. Regina Spektor was kind and softspoken, even as she told the audience to (please excuse me!!!) "shut the F*** up, she used her "inside" voice. But regardless, I was just impressed with her pure talent. Honestly, she had a pure voice and her singing live was just as good as any of her recordings.

In November, I got the chance to see Billy Joel at the Delta Center and he was just as fun as I hoped. Though, I prefer the smaller venue to the Delta Center because you feel like you are actually meeting the musician instead of watching a picture on the jumbo-tron. But, nothing beats We Didn't Start the Fire, live!!! That was worth ever bit of squinting.

The last and most amazing concert of 2007 was Iron and Wine. This was my first concert at the Great Saltaire. It was also the first really bad snow of the season and driving in and out of the storm was not fun. However, this concert had a feeling of pure surreal euphoria. It literally didn't feel real. Sam Beam was long haired and bearded and next to his red haired, violinist sister, they made quite the pair. Snow fell all night along the shore of the Salt Lake, and every song felt slower than usual, streaming endlessly into the next. A feeling of early Christmas good will, settled in as everyone left the parking lot, pleasant and polite as I had ever seen one group of people.

Then last night, I went back to the Saltaire with my boyfriend to see Ben Folds rock out on his Baldwin. We started with a few too many opening acts. Yet, I loved Ben Lee and his optimistic attitude as technically everything went wrong with the sound system. I prefer to follow his advice and embrace the chaos of live music!

When Ben Folds arrived I had forgotten what a total nerd he was. At 41, he was sporting his traditional t-shirt and dirty brown pants and thick Buddy Holly glasses. But as he, his blonde drummer, and tall dark bassist pounded out music straight from 9 to 11, my body was left vibrating with the choruses of I Wanna Be Kate, Army, Jesusland and a strange new song called Free Coffee. He also played my two favorites, The Luckiest and Landed. The night was raw and loud and fun.

What next? Well, I want to keep up this habitual concert habit as long as I don't let it put me into debt (but I have been pretty lucky so far). I hear the master of love, Al Green is coming and maybe some Death Cab for Cutie would be a good addition to my list. Plus, someday maybe I will be blessed to see some of the people I would really LOVE to meet.... Sufjan Stevens, Andrew Bird, and Coldplay(which might be possible someday since their newest album comes out in about a month or two.)

Either way, nothing compares to the thriving pulse of an audience eager to enjoy the talent of others. You just can't bottle energy like that.

A Weakness Becoming a Strength

Ether 12: 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

When I was in Jr. High, it was common every Friday in gym class to run the mile. This consisted of running four times around a narrow track on the field while being dressed in an ugly white tee shirt and blue shorts or sweats. I still remember lining up on the field and falling into one huge lump that would immediately spread as the signal was given to begin running.

This one activity was the source of about 75% of my Jr. High angst. I frequently got stomach aches, even thinking about running.

Prior to my first run, I remember thinking I would be fine. But, I was embarrassed beyond belief with my first attempt to run the mile.

I grew up dreading playing sports because I my only sibling was an older brother who had 5 years of sports on me. His favorite game was to play basketball "around" me as I desperately tried to keep up. I naturally lacked physical talent in most sports (except badminton). So, as I got older, I stayed inside at recess and "talked" or "hung out." Those who know me, know I still love people and conversations. It was easier to talk to someone than play them in basketball. Sadly however, this didn't allow me enough physical exercise to balance my bad eating habits and by the time I reached Jr. High, I was quite overweight for my age. Until that point, I had slid by in gym and everything else... until I had to begin running the mile. And... unless you had asthma or a bleeding limb, you were never excused from the joy of running every Friday. It was a mini-nightmare for me.

Running literally felt like death to me. I would run the mile every Friday and spend the rest of the day in my classes, coughing and feeling as if I had burned the inside of my lungs. It was a horrid thing to me, but for the most part, I just kept running. I got used to being slow. I learned I wasn't one of those kids in the class with the long legs and swift gate, who ultimately finished the mile in 5 minutes and passed you three times when you were on lap one.

Over the years, I improved. I made it through high school and actually lost most of the weight through some major changes in diet, regular exercise (I liked kickboxing), and some serious mental focus. However, I still hated running. Always.

Then, something happened. I was living in New Zealand, feeling rather tired and overwhelmed with my lack of physical care. I was eating badly again and I wasn't doing much except walking to classes on campus. I hated the gym, but it was free for students and I had used treadmills before. However, running with music was an amazing experience. The music motivated me to keep moving when I wanted to sit out. As I started to run that first time, I felt my heart thump awake and my skin open like it was taking a deep breath for me.

Thus began my slow conversion to running.

When I got home from my study abroad, I had no treadmill and couldn't afford anything except a good pair of headphones for my discman. So, I began running outside. The experience was so much more gratifying than running on a treadmill or even running in long loose circles on a track outside.

Soon, I was running along the sidewalks and roads in Spring, smelling the flowers open as the mid-May air heated gardens and lawns. My favorite thing has always been that first 4 minutes of running in warm Spring weather, when the blood in your body spreads from your heart and the pores of your skin open like small flowers. It was enough to get me out every Saturday morning.

Now... my speed has not improved much, but my endurance has. I used to run 2-3 miles at the most and now, I am just shy of 5 miles and climbing. I bought snazzy new running shoes and I have up graded my discman to the Nano ipod with one of those Nike + accessories that tracks your progress via sensor you attach to your shoe. (It is a really fun to have a little voice come across your music and report how far you've run. The purchase was worth it!)

Last year, I decided to conquer one of my fears and run an organized 5K. I chose to run the Breast Cancer run in May, and this was one of my favorite accomplishments of 2007. Running alone can be an amazing experience as you soak in your surroundings and truly dissolve in your own thoughts. But, running with a large, teeming group of people for a cause, can be one of the most invigorating and rewarding experiences a person can have.

Honestly, I still don't consider myself a runner.... Maybe a slow jogger. And, I have yet to approach a 10k or the ultimate for me, the half marathon. But, I marvel at how something I hated with a passion could literally become one of my passions.

Running for me has become a strength because I worked at it and I found a way to enjoy what I despised. It still isn't easy and my body is not as "in-shape" as I wish... not even close. But, sometimes just moving, and making steps in the right direction can be enough to propel you down a road you never thought you would take.

Who knows, maybe someday I will be able to pound my brother in basketball!

Time of the Season

I am more than ready to begin living my second favorite season, Spring. Here are 7 simple things that bring joy to those of us still stuck in the last cough of winter.





#1 Bike Rides


So, I haven't ridden a bike since I was ten. However, after Lent this year, I chose a new bike as my reward for surviving a ridiculous 37 days with no dessert.


This beautiful, low step, girly Trek bike is my new favorite Spring activity. I still ride like a ten year old, slowing down at every curve, and getting nervous around cars. But, the feeling of coasting past my elementary school at age 25, while listening to Iron and Wine on a Saturday afternoon, can lift one's spirits to new heights.





#2 Time of the strawberries

I love the shape of strawberries and their deafening red color. Heart-shaped and smooth, I love them sliced over cereal, in whipped cream, or between two pieces of bread with jam to make a strawberry sandwich. This was my invention when we were low on lunch items and surprisingly, it really tastes good and makes me happy.

#3 Dandelion Wine

This wonderful book is all about two boys who make the slow turn into Spring and approaching Summer. Bradbury spends one chapter describing the pure joy a little boy has when getting a new pair of shoes to run in. It is a perfect Spring (and Summer) read. It always reminds me of the importance of having wind chimes when one is sick in bed.

#4 Jandle time

I am talking flip flops or as the Kiwis from NZ call them, the beloved jandles. All I know, is that the season has OFFICIALLY changed when you can slip off the shoes and socks and let your toes out.

#5 Birds in the morning

I do believe my favorite sign of Spring is the return of the birds (though nothing compares to the birds I woke up to during a New Zealand spring). But still, I LOVE waking up to a semi-light morning and having the urgent voices of birds outside, trilling and soaring. It is such a wonderful addition to the music I wake up to... though, it is quite ironic since I wake up to Andrew Bird (seriously, I highly recommend this guy... he is a favorite).

#6 Daffodils and Tulips

The other day, I was running outside and I passed the edge of a neighbors lawn. The tired heads of tulips were starting to break the surface of the lawn. I felt so much motivation, I ran faster! But really, I love the tulips that fill gardens, the spring green leaves all over willow trees, and the daffodils that explode in heated yellow.

My favorite demonstration of daffodils comes from a little house in Bountiful. My brother, my boyfriend, and our other friend all live in the ultimate bachelor pad. However, from the outside, this little white house has explosive amounts of daffodils in the yard, making everything as picturesque as ever. You'd never expect three bachelors to be the house's only tenants.

#7 Kite flying

And the best for last... to fly a kite is to taste of a bird's life. I did this successfully last year as a part of my 25 things to do before I turned 25 list and it was a joy in itself. I bought a Sponge Bob kite and at Toys R Us and flew it at Antelope Island, with the sun setting and the Salt Lake breathing heavy and low in late spring.

Aah, what a lovely time of year.

Published!!!

It is really hard being a writer. Rejection is something you have to adjust to like a hot shower... before long, you just don't feel the burn anymore. However, when things work out in your favor, you must always celebrate.

One of my poems was recently chosen to be published in the Literary Magazine, Weber Studies. This is a poem I wrote for a professor who recently passed away from cancer.

In my experience, poems rarely come finished. Usually you have to sort through the garbage you write that needs to be weeded out. This poem felt different from the start and it was an answer to a prayer.
Hope you like it!

Occupation-to Ken Brewer

After diagnosis,
he turned over his half-written
notebook and began to work
until the last swallow of life was left.

Writing wouldn’t be rationed.

When we are told
how many
breaths are left,
and approximately how
long it takes cancer to eat
at the liver, lungs or breast,
our nature may move us into
our final occupation.
These are the jobs we’ve possibly lived
or lost
or neglected.

We become the philosophers,
complainers,
and lovers—
caught cursing
or crying
the day
the heavy hand
of God is set
on our shoulders,
and we are painfully asked
to leave.

My passion for Peeps-an insight into an obsession

Those who know me on a personal level are aware of my love for Peeps. But, when I peruse the Peeps website or get excited about a new color of Peep, or bring Peeps to share at a party, many cringe and look at me as if I have lost my mind(or at least my sense of taste). This post is a simple explanation of how I can feel such love for a sugared, three dimensional, marshmallow treat.

In classic Psycho-analytic form, I blame my father for this obsession. For as long as I can remember, my Dad has been obsessed with eating marshmallows. He taught me to place your classic "campfire marshmallows" in a pie tin in the oven at broil, and flip them over as they brown. And... there you have it, INSTANT GOO. I inherited my Dad's sugar fetish and have proudly developed into a "Peep freak" just like him.

As kids, Peeps were an Easter staple: Hot Cross Buns, Honey Baked Ham, warm potatoes, fresh rolls, and Peeps. Everyone knows there are two ways to eat Peeps. My dad is a die-hard chewy peep fan. He still rips off the plastic and leaves them out for weeks, months and on one occasion, a year (when my mom learned of that instance, she made sure that would never happen again). I myself, enjoy them soft. But, contrary to popular myth, Peeps do not roast well. It is true that watching a Peep explode in the microwave provides endless entertainment, but eating the Peep afterwards proves to be a negative experience.

This Peep fetish runs in my family. My grandma gave all the grandkids packages of Peeps at Easter. My uncles love Peeps. Even my Aunt had a "Peep incident" at her work when a fellow employee put a Peep on a shelf near the ceiling, let it sit for almost 4 years and then ate it. (note: this blog does not condone any such behavior with a Peep).!


As I got older, Peeps changed with the changing times. The stiff bunny and pompous looking chick evolved into the Vanilla and Strawberry Creme hearts at Valentines. Soon we had orange pumpkins, white ghosts, black spiders and bats, and Frankenstein heads at Halloween. Then, Christmas trees and gingerbread men Peeps appeared. I was elated a few years ago to see an actual Peep inside a chocolate egg and a "decorating kit" for white egg Peeps. Though these four holidays are the only holidays with Peeps, it has been rumored New Years Peeps exist. I will believe it when I see it!


I have also allowed Peeps to affect my personal goals and traditions. A few years ago, I was dyeing eggs with my friends at Easter and I started getting goofy, taking fun pictures of Peeps. This soon became a tradition. Last year, I decided to attempt to make my own Peeps. This proved to be an AWESOME experience. However, it is true in this case, store bought Peeps taste much better than homemade.





This year, for Lent, I decided to sacrifice sugar. It has been an intense escapade, but in a matter of days, I will be able to eat a sugared Peep, guilt free! (Note: Sugar-free Peeps do exist and though they taste the same, the strange thickness of the marshmallow and warnings on the package of a "laxative effect" should be enough to encourage only the consumption of real Peeps).


So, in honor of Easter and its many traditions (i.e. plastic eggs full of Robin Eggs, Hollow chocolate bunnies, and Charlton Heston) I honor the Peep. It is truly a modern day marvel!